If you replace the words “f-ing around with yakuza” with the words “not saving your document for two days” and Uma Thurman with my mean machine, then this is almost exactly what just happened to me.
I'm a doctoral candidate in English at Somerville College, Oxford. My thesis, tentatively titled “Just Literature: Evil, Victorian Narrative, and the Problem of Theodicy”, explores the interplay between literature and theodicy – the justification of a good God in light of the existence of evil – in the works of A.H. Clough, J.A. Froude and George Eliot. I teach English Literature at the University of Würzburg, coach academic writing in English at Oxford, blog about the tricks and pitfalls of thesis writing, and love to collaborate. My novel "Das Unglück anderer Leute" was published by Galiani Berlin in August 2016.
Oxford Dphile 
Funny clip, Uma
in command and you spanked by
your own computer
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Not bad but I would have been more impressed if you had replied in a Limerick or, if you’re feeling ambitious, a villanelle.
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I would take up that gauntlet right now, but, sadly, I’m at work writing technical manuals with my boss at the next desk.
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